How did/does she do it...and why can't I get my SH*T together?
As I type this, I’m sitting outside soaking up the sunshine while my son finishes up his ski lessons, and I found myself looking around as my son was whining and complaining the whole time, we were putting on his skis and wondering if all the other mothers out there ever deal with this. Let me tell you for me the struggle is real, and I always find myself comparing myself to other mothers in the community and think all the time, why can’t I pull it together like they do.
This comparison started right from the get go when I was pregnant with my now 9-year-old, and I started thinking to myself how can I be a better mom then my mom (who by the way was amazing, so was my dad, but that’s for another article). As a working mom, who brought both kids with her to work I often found myself asking, how did my mom do it, and how did she make it look so easy. My mom was also a working mom, an immaculate house keeper, chef, chauffeur, and event planner. Me, I’m lucky if I can keep up with mom on some days. How did she do it?
My mom is not the only mother who I compare myself too, other mom friends of mine always seem to have it all together way more than me. My dear friend who makes her own sourdough bread, pancakes, etc. on a daily basis, who so kindly gave me a starter and said this is easy. Well, my first loaf, turned out tasting more like play dough than bread, according to my son, my second shot at it got left in the fridge forgotten for a week and became very smelly, and the starter that I fed everyday got knocked off the top of the fridge by the cat and made a sticky mess on my floor. Epic Mom Fail! How does she do it?
My friend and business colleague who also has two kids and always has a spotless house and never has a dirty dish in her sink, makes me look at my house with its stack of dirty dishes and ever constant floor full of toys, and think what am I doing wrong, am I missing out on an extra 3 hours during the day that no one has told me about? I’ve had to hire a house cleaner just so that 2 days out of the month I can come home to a spotless house, even if it is for 30 minutes before toys are all over and there are dishes in the sink again. This also made me look at myself and compare again to my friend and my mother, they can do it, why can’t I?
The truth is momma, we all do it, we compare ourselves to every other mother out there, whether it’s on social media or those moms who are a regular part of our life. We need to stop, yes, it’s hard to I know, but even those mom’s you’re comparing yourself to are struggling at times too. When I ask my mom how she did it, she smiles and says, you have forgotten all the times the house was a mess, the times I forgot to arrange a ride for you, and how the crockpot was my best friend for easy meal planning. My friend who makes the amazing sourdough admits she has many times placed her sourdough in hibernation because she doesn’t always have the time to make it, and my friend/colleague has numerous times told me that her spotless house is because she has a room that no one sees that is a complete disaster. And guess what, I have another amazing friend who has told me over and over again that I am her mother role model and she doesn’t know how I do it (I think she’s crazy). Man, that makes me feel like I am doing this and the struggle may be real, but I do have my sh*t together. So, as you compare, just realize that while everyone else looks like they’ve got this mom thing down, you look that way to someone else, so revel in that for a bit and enjoy that fact that life is messy, but that’s what makes it real and amazing!
~Dr. Ali